The Pain in my Heart
by ShikaSasuLover
Summary: Sasuke has been in pain for a long time. Now he has reached his breaking point and tries to kill hiimself. Why has he done this? Who will be there for him in the future, when his family ignores him and he has no friends? Warning: Abuse, Suicide (attempt), Yaoi (NaruSasu - in later chapters), AU - chapter 6 is up
1. Why can't anybody love me?

**The Pain In My Heart**

**Chapter 1: "Why can't anybody love me?"**

**"..." - speaking**

**'...' - thinking**

"Why?", a crying voice said, "Why can't anybody love me?". Slowly with shaking legs the boy stand up, pain going through his body. Crying he slowly went to the kitchen. "Everything hurts so much ...", a tear fell from his face "... I can't anymore ...". Slowly he took one of the knives. Staring at it while it reflected his face. A tear fell on the knife, more followed soon. His face blue and bloody, the rest of his body even worse. The beating worse than normal. 'Fucking Bastard', the words echoed in his mind. He let himself slide down to the floor. Pain racing through his back. A sob escaped his lips "Soon my pain will be over ...", with that he started cutting up his arms, knowing no one would be there to stop him. 'Mother, Father ... did you ever care about me?', he sadly thought. A puddle of blood already around him, his body slowly dying. 'Itachi ... did you ever noticed me?'. With every minute his eyelids became heavier and heavier. "Goodbye world ... ", with that he closed his eyes, hoping to neeer wake up again. Death was reaching towards him.

...

"SASUKE!" A frantic voice screamed, but Sasuke was consumed in darkness. "Sasuke, my little Sasuke ... please hold on." Only leaving Sasue to call for the ambulance.

...

**Three days later**

beep ... beep ... beep ... the constant sound in the white room for the past three days. The boy on the bed looking pale and tired. For the last three days he has been sleeping. Slowly he was waking up again. A groan escaped his lips, his eyes started to open. 'Where am I?' In that moment a doctor came into his room. "Ah Sasuke! You're awake, that's good. How are you feeling?" "Where am I?", his voice sounded rought and it hurted him to speak. "Where? The Hospital, I'm your doctor Tsunade.", she took a closer at him and saw he was shaking and crying, "What is wrong?". "Why? Why couldn't I die? What have I done to deserve this?" With that he was a shaking mess, begging to let him die ...

to be continued

**ShikaSasuLover**


	2. I will never leave you

**The Pain In My Heart**

**Chapter 2: "I will never leave you"**

**"..." - speaking**

**'...' - thinking**

**With Kakashi**

For the last three days Kakashi has been sitting in one of those uncomfortable Hospital chairs, worried sick about Sasuke. 'Why has he done this? I knew something was wrong, but this? I need to talk to him, I can't lose him now that I know ...' He was interrupted in his thoughts when Tsunade came out of Sasuke's room. "Tsunade, how is Sasuke? Is he alright?" "Well ... physically he will be alright. He has lost a lot of blood so he will be dizzy, but it will wore of in a couple of days. But mentally ... he is being abused, I don't know what affect it has on his mind, but I think because of that he tried to kill himself." Tsunade slowly explained. "Abused? Has he been raped?", he asked fearfully. "I'm afraid so, yes ... Kakashi you have to be there for him. He is in a very delicate situation." "Why what is wrong?". Tsunade was silent for a moment, silently she said "He is pregnant.". Kakashi felt a lump in his throat. Slowly with a stocking voice he began speaking "Is he awake? Can I see him?" "Yes, but be patient with him. You know, I have to speak with the Hokage about this." With a heavy sigh he answered "I know ... thank you that you rescued him." After that he made slowly made his way into Sasuke's room. There he saw the whimpering mess that was Sasuke. To see Sasuke so and hear his pleads to die his heart broke. He made his way over to Sasuke and took him into his arms. "I'm here now Sasuke, I'm here" The comforting voice made Sasuke look up, he hasn't noticed that someone came into his room. "Ka- Kakashi ... please don't leave me." "I will never leave you", he spoke with an assuring voice. He continued to hold and comfort Sasuke until he fell asleep, giving his body the needed rest. 'I will make sure you get okay again Sasuke'

**With Tsunade**

After speaking with Kakashi, she went to speak the Hokage. Knowing if nothing will change Sasuke would die. With her thoughts on Sasuke she went to his office. Knocking on the door, she waited for the sign to come in. The Hokage was sitting at his desk, looking on papers. "Ah Tsunade, what can I do for you?" "Hello Minato, I came to speak about Sasuke." "Sasuke? Naruto's teammate? What is with him?" Concern already showing on his face. Slowly with an heavy voice she began to speak "Sasuke tried to kill himself. Kakashi brought him in. He is stable, but that's not the thing. Sasuke has been abused. I have healed his wounds, so he doesn't have to feel the pain anymore. And ..." she stopped herself. "What is it Tsunade?" "He has been raped, it must have been often, his body looked horrible. Sasuke he is -" a lump has formed in er throat " he is pregnant", she finished her sentence quietly. "Is ... Is Sasuke awake?" "Yes, he woke up today. He was crying and begged to die.", tears formed in her eyes, knowing this happend to a child. "He's barely 14, how can someone do this?". "I don't know, but I will find out. Minato's thought of Naruto, he is just a year older and a friend of Sasuke. 'I wonder how he will take it.' "Is someone with Sasuke right now?" "Yes Kakashi is with him." "Good, he will keep Sasuke save. To know who has done this we have to talk with Sasuke. I will talk with in a couple of days, when he has calmed down. Is he going to stay at the hospital?" "Yes, I want to keep an eye of him." "Thank you Tsunade, you can go now." "Goodbye Hokage-Sama". With that she went back to the hospital.

**to be continued**

**ShikaSasuLover**


	3. Did his parents ?

**The Pain In My Heart**

**Chapter 3: "Did his parents ...?"**

**"..." - speaking**

**'...' - thinking**

One week later Sasuke was allowed to leave the hospital. During this time Sasuke refused to speak to anyone, not Tsunade, not the Hokage, not even to Kakashi anymore. Right now he was sitting on his hospital bed next to Kakashi. The only that was visiting him. His parents didn't came, didn't care enough about their son. Itachi, his beloved brother, was away on a mission. Not aware of what his little brother is going through.

Sasuke was looking in his lap. Too scared of what is about to happen. Tears started to fall from his eyes. Slowly sobs escaped his lips. Carefully Kakashi took Sasuke in his arms, a sigh escaping from him. Quietly he began to talk "Sasuke ... you know you can talk to me ... What are you afraid of?" No answer came. Kakashi almost thought it would never came, but then Sasuke started to talk "Please don't make me go there, please don't make me" His voice full of pain. "Th-they ..." Sasuke stopped himself, he knew he wasn't allowed to talk about that. If he did he didn't knew what would happen. "What is it Sasuke?" Kakashi knew there was more. 'He is scared of going home, but why? Did his parents ...?' he couldn't bring the thought to an end. Couldn't believe that parents would hurt their own child. But he knew it would explain everything. The more than usual distance, the scared look in his eyes and the bruises.

"I can't" Sasuke was becoming hysterical "I-i" By now he was a crying mess. Kakashi was shocked by this. Not once has he seen Sasuke in such a state. Now he was sure that it was his parents that has done these things to him. 'I must get him out of there'. "Sasuke ... everything will be okay. I will be alway there for you." Slowly Sasuke started to calm down again. Still crying he said "Please don't leave me there.". "Sasuke, I know this is hard for you, but if you want that I help you, you must tell me what happend. ... I promise you no one will know what happened. You can decide who can know it okay?" The secure voice of Kakashi let Sasuke think 'I don't know ... should I tell him? He- he really wants to help me.' For a while it was quiet between them. "I- ..." Sasuke didn't knew how he should start, Kakashi gave him the time he needed.

After another while Sasuke began slowly to speak "It was always like that. Whenever I did something wrong they hurt me. The first time it was just a slap, but as time went on it has gotten worse. Because of that I always had the bruises. Sometimes they just beat me without a reason." By that tears were falling from his eyes. "I don't know why they hate me so much. Am I such a horrible person? I just want to be loved by them" Sobs were escaping his lips. Kakashis heart broke at that sight. He took Sasuke in his arms. "Shh ... you're not an horrible person Sasuke. Don't think that. You're amazing, don't think so low of you." After a while he stopped crying, but that didn't stop Kakashi from holding him.

Sometime later, no one of them knew what time it was, Tsunade entered the room. "Hello Sasuke, Kakashi. I just came by to tell you that you can leave now." Seeing that Sasuke was not going to answer, Kakashi did instead "Okay, thank you Tsunade." After that Tsunade left. "Come on Sasuke it's time to leave" A look of panic appeared into Sasukes eyes. "Wh- what?" he asked fearfully. "Don't worry Sasuke, I will take you with me, I won't let you stay there." Kakashi said with an assuring voice. "Really?". "Really." with that they began their way to Kakashis home. Both hoping that Sasuke don't have to go through that again.

**to be continued**

**ShikaSasuLover**


	4. Aniki you're here

**At first I wanted to thank you for the reviews and telling me what I can do better ... well thank you. For the story right now I have planned that Sasuke will keep his baby, but I'm not exactly sure. If he would lose it would be some kind of 'accident'. Furthermore I'm not really sure what will happen to his parents, maybe jail, maybe death ... I don't really know. Naruto will appear in the next chapter. He will also have a crush on Sasuke, unknown to everyone else. Also the relationship between Sasuke and Kakashi will be more focus on. The only thing left to say is have fun to read!**

**The Pain In My Heart**

**Chapter 4: "Aniki ... you're here"**

**"..." - speaking**

**'...' - thinking**

Sasuke was now sitting in his new room, that Kakashi has given him. He has left him alone to have some time for himself and to calm down. But relaxing was far away from Sasuke's mind. Thoughts plagued him. 'Why does he care so much about me? ... Wi- will he hurt me too?' His suicidal thought came back to him, torturing him. "Ka- kakashi ..." Slowly he was standing up, his legs shaking a bit. Quietly he was making his way towards the living room.

**In the living room, some time earlier**

Kakashi was sitting on his couch. He has left Sasuke alone so he could get some rest. Suddenly someone knocked on his door. Quietly he opened the door, surprised to see who was standing there. The tall body of a 19 year old was standing there. His long hair tied together in a low ponytail. A furious look in these dangerous red eyes of him. "Itachi ... what are you doing here?" Kakashi was asking him. "What am I'm doing here? Do you honestly dare to ask me that! My little brother is here!" Itachi said with an serious voice. "It would be better for you if you didn't hurt him. After all Sasuke is your -" Itachi stopped himself when he heard a door being opened.

Slowly Sasuke came into the room. He stopped walking when he saw who was standing there. "Ita-itachi ..." Sasuke's said quietly. Tears were forming in his eyes, when he saw his beloved older brother. As fast as he could he launched himself in his brothers arms. "Aniki ... you're here." said Sasuke. With an comforting voice Itachi answered him "Of course Sasuke ... I will always be there." With sentences like these he always managed to get Sasuke to calm down. "I will never leave you, otouto."

**two weeks later**

During the last two weeks Sasuke became a bit closer to his former self. The looks of fear has disappeared from his eyes, his trust in people slowly coming back. Kakashi and Itachi, now that he was living with them, were a great help from him. From his parents, Fugaku and Mikoto, he has heard nothing. Although this made him happy that they were leaving him alone, he can't help himself to feel a bit sad, that they obviously don't care about their son. This pain is eased with the knowing that he still had his brother and Kakashi, his sensei.

Furthermore it made him happy that his crush and teammate Naruto was asking about his well being. He hasn't seen him since his suicide attempt and he still wasn't allowed to leave the house. But knowing that Naruto will visit him the next day made his heart beating faster. Kakashi told him that Naruto came to him about asking to see him, which he allowed hoping this will be good for Sasuke. Neither Kakashi or Itachi knew about his little crush and he didn't plan to tell them. Knowing his brother would want to 'help' him, only in the scary way a big brother would do. With this thoughts lay Sasuke in his bed, dreaming about the following day, Naruto and annoying big brothers.

**to be continued**

**ShikaSasuLover**


	5. Na- naruto?

**Hey! First sorry that it took me so long to update, but I was kinda busy, I still am. Anyway I have planned that I will write the story at the weekend, this weekend there will be a new chapter, saturday or sunday, you will see it. So the new chapters will mostly be posted weekends or beginning of the week. I promise it won't take me so long this time.**

**Sorry if I'm just the wrong tenses, it's not my mother language and I'm still learning but I give my best that it's not completely wrong. I hope you know what I mean when I'm writing. I'm trying to make the chapters longer, this one is a little bit longe, but the next chapters will be longer, more things are going to happen, so more to write :). **

**Now enjoy the new chapter :3**

**The Pain In My Heart**

**Chapter 5: "Na- naruto?"**

**"..." - speaking**

**'...' - thinking**

The sounds of someone crying reached through the room. The door locked, not wanting to someone come in. Knocks and pleading reached through the closed door. "Sasuke, please open the door. We want to talk to you." Kakashi's voice was heard. "Sasuke, please let us in." This time it was Itachi's voice. "We can explain!"

'Liars' thought Sasuke, 'all they did was lying to me my whole life.' More sobs escaped his lips. "GO AWAY!" he screamed, "just ... just leave me alone" he added in a quiet whisper. He laid himself on his bed, hoping to calm down. Everything was quiet for him now, Itachi and Kakashi's voice banned from his mind. Slowly his eyes closed, feeling tired and betrayed. His hand caressing his little baby bump. Quietly he whispered "Don't worry little one, everything will be alright ... just the two of us ..."

**~ beginning of Sasu's dream~**

Sasuke was running, running for his life. Knowing 'he' would follow him. His breathing was troubled and his heart beating faster for his own good. "Leave me alone!" he screamed. His view was troubled by his tears. Suddenly Sasuke fell down, one of his foot got caught in a root of the many surrounding trees. "AAAHHHHH!" He tried to stand up, but couldn't. "There you are you little bastard!" 'he' said. "Please, please leave me alone ... please ..." Sasuke pleaded, but he knew in the end 'he' would always get him.

Now everything was for him in slow motion, the pain, the fear, everything. The man, no the monster, always left him in a puddle of blood, leaving him crying, begging that this will have an end.

~**dream end~**

Heavily breathing Sasuke sat up in his bed. "Calm down Sasuke ..." he talked to himself "it was just a dream, 'he' won't hurt me anymore". But Sasuke knew better, it wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. A memory of his painful life that he lived so far. "Kakashi and Itachi pro-, no I can't trust them, they lied to me my whole life ... I ... I can't trust them."

Sasuke lay himself on his bed , getting as comfortable as he could. Trying to relax he began thinking of his unborn baby. 'My little one, I will make sure that you will have a happy life ... Even if it is just the two of us. No father, grandmother ... ' he gave a sad sigh ' ... and no uncle and ... grandfather' He began smiling, letting his fantasy run wild about how his child would look and what it would be like.

After some time he fell asleep again. But this time dreaming of his child and his hopefully happy future.

Some couple of hours later Sasuke woke up again, planning to go outside for a bit. With that thought he stand up and changed into some clothes fitting for outside. Slowly he went outside of his room and made his way towards the front door. "Where are you going, Sasuke?" asked Itachi. "I'm just going out and don't think I forgive you." said Sasuke annoyed. After that he shove Itachi away from the door and went outside. His little walk took him to a little lake outside of the village. There he sat down, his back leaning against a tree. Just sitting there, enjoying the view he was able to calm down.

"Hey Sasuke!" someone shouted. "Huh?", Sasuke sounded suprised, but when he saw who was walking his towards him he blushed. "Oh ... He- hey Naruto. ... Wh- what are you doing here?" he asked. Naruto smiled "I saw that you were walking here ... and you kinda looked down, so I came to see if you were okay. And we wanted to meet each other today ... so ... yeah here I'am." he ended sentence with a small blush. Hearing this Sasuke blushed harder and his heart beat a bit faster.

"Yeah, I forgot that, sorry" Sasuke said. Naruto heard immediately the sadness out of Sasuke's voice. He said down beside Sasuke. "What is wrong Sasuke? You can talk to me." "Why? Why do you care so much?" Sasuke asked in a confused tone. In his pain and fear he has not realized that one person was always on his side, his friend Naruto. "Because you are my friend Sasuke. And I care a lot about you." This made Sasuke look up to Naruto, since he was smaller than him. His big and beautiful eyes made Naruto heart melt with love. So much emotion in these eyes, hope, fear and even a little bit of love shined between. "Na- naruto?" With their faces already close it didn't take long to close that gap. Sasuke's eyes widened before they closed themselves.

Their shy little kiss turned soon into a more passionate one. Arms closing around a waist and around a neck. Leaving them breathless when their kiss ended, small kisses followed.

Both of them were unaware of the pair of eyes that was watching them. A smile on his face and happiness in his eyes. Itachi has followed his little brother to make sure that he is not getting hurt, but seeing this, his little brother so happy his heart swelled with happiness. He just has to make sure that Naruto will not his beloved little brother, planning to have a little 'talk' with Naruto.

Quietly he made his way back to Kakashi's house. But on his way there he saw someone that he wished he would not see. "Hello Itachi ..."

**to be continued**

**ShikaSasuLover  
**

**In the next there will be more about what happend and why Sasu is so angry with Ita and Kashi and more NaruSasu :3. Maybe you can guess what happend between them and who Itachi is seeing at the end. Until next time, saturday or sunday, bye and have a good week ;)**


	6. What is wrong?

**Well like promised here is the new chapter, a bit short, but the next will be longer again. Now you can find out what happend between Sasu, Ita and Kashi. **

**For the baby maybe I make at the end two kind of versions one with the baby and one where Sasu lose the baby, maybe you like that if you don't want Sasu with a baby. You have to tell me :) Oh and for the person Itachi was seeing at the end it was not Kakashi, next chapter you will find out. And if you can't wait just ask me, I'm sure I will be nice enough to tell you ;)**

**The Pain In My Heart**

**Chapter 6: "What is wrong?"**

**"..." - speaking**

**'...' - thinking**

**~with Naru & Sasu~**

"Hey Sasu?" Naruto asked, "hmmm?" was Sasukes sleepy answer. "Well ... I don't want to ruin this moment, but ..." he stopped talking, hesitant to ask. This made Sasuke look up "What is wrong?".

"What were you upset about?" he finally asked. A sad look came into Sasuke's face. It was quiet for a few minutes, until Sasuke finally began to tell what happened this morning. Quietly he began talking "Everything was normal when I woke up. But then I heard Kakashi and Itachi talking. They ... they were talking about telling me something and something about it not being the 'right' time. This made me curious and I opened the door a bit, so I could hear them better." A sob escaped his lips "I shouldn't have trust them, all they did was lying ... always lying."

Hearing and seeing Sasuke his heart gave a painful tug "Sasu ..." To calm him down, he took Sasuke in his arms, his head on his strong chest "Tell me what is wrong, Sasu." Naruto pleaded. "I- ... I heard them say that- that Kakashi is my father." Sasuke stutterd out.

**~with Kakashi~**

'What have I done?' He was sitting on his couch, his head in his hands. The apartment was quiet, Sasuke ran some hours ago away from him, Itachi followed to make sure he didn't hurt himself. The truth was out, Sasuke the not so little boy was his son. 'I- I have to speak with him'

With that thought he stand up, planning to speak with his son. He was walking now around Konoha looking for Sasuke or maybe Itachi, knowing he has followed his little brother. "Hey Kakashi!" someone shouted. Kakashi looked around and saw his weird friend Guy "Oh ... hey Guy. Did you maybe see Sasuke?" he asked hoping to sound like his normal self. "Sasuke? ... Yeah I saw him. He was running outside of Konoha." Guy answered. 'Outside of Konoha? Maybe he went to this little lake' thought Kakashi. "Thanks Guy, I talk sometime later to you!" And with that he was in his way to the little lake.

When he arrived there he saw Sasuke with Naruto 'They look cute together'. For some time he continued to watch the two until he decided to finally talk to Sasuke. Slowly he walked towards them. Sasuke noticed him first "What do you want? he hissed. "Can I talk alone to you?" Looking to Naruto Sasuke said quietly "Can you leave us alone?" "Sure, I see you later." With that Naruto left, leaving only Kakashi and Sasuke. Quietly he sat next to Sasuke.

**~with Itachi~**

"Hello Itachi" someone said. "What the hell do you want?" Itachi hissed. He had no interest to talk to this man. "How dare you talk to me so?" The man spat. "Then tell me how I should talk to you!" Itachi said with venom in his voice. "You should have some respect for me boy!" The man screamed. "Respect?" Itachi thought he heard wrong "You have done nothing to deserve my respect. You deserve nothing, you should feel lucky that you and your wife" he spitted out these names "are still alive!" With that he left, leaving this man or rather this monster behind. Pure anger was seen on the mans face, hate for the prodigy building up. With pure hate he said "For that your dear Sasuke is going to pay."

**to be continued**

**ShikaSasuLover**


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